notesofnoimportance

The truth on everything from a male perspective.

Kitchen Floor Reset.

tearsI suppose the first thing I should point out is that I came up with this title before I thought of the subject and I am at this very moment typing without thinking.  I should explain “Kitchen Floor Reset” to you so you can understand the topic.  Well… I first heard the term when I was watching Russell Kane perform his comedy routine on Live at the Apollo.  Basically the term is used when your life gets so low that you end up back at your parent’s house, on the kitchen floor sobbing your eyes out, snot covering your face and the inability to make a coherent sentence.

I see by the distant look in your eyes that a number of you have experienced this scenario, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, well unless your face really was covered in snot, then perhaps you should be, and while you’re at it invest in a hanky!  It appears to me that at some time in our life we shall all experience this horrible moment, and in most cases it shall be caused by the devastating end of a relationship.  We cannot see beyond the horizon of personal emotion and loss, our minds filled with regrets, memories of times, both good and bad, and our hearts longing for what we can no longer have or what is not right for us.

I have had one Kitchen Floor Reset in my life, in 2011 I hit rock bottom, or at least I thought I did.  The fact is that it was the beginning of nearly 2 years wallowing on the kitchen floor, drowning in the pools of snot that must surely have flown.  I thought many times that I was over my problems and I was ready to carry on, but the slightest thought of my ex brought it all flooding back.  I was nowhere near over it, and with the reset come the questioning of one’s worth, am I destined to be alone? Will I ever get over it? What to do with myself now?

The fact is that I went about it the wrong way; I thought that it was life keeping me down, and that I wasn’t getting the opportunities that others seemed to get around me.  In truth, it was me all the time, I was the one holding myself back, largely due to the fact that I didn’t want to let go.  Clinging to the hope of returning to what you perceive to be the “happy times” blinkers you from the bad times and why you were not good together.  It sounds harsh, but the only way to get over it is to force yourself, by all means speak to family, my uncle and aunt were nothing but brilliant (I can’t speak to the rest of my family, they are emotionally retarded) but they really helped me.  We spoke often about what I was going through and they gave me sound advice, it took me a considerable amount of time to follow the advice, but I got there in the end.

My advice if the next time it all crumbles down around you and you feel lost, speak to someone, get it out, wipe the snot from your face and look to the future, life is just beginning and it’s a very big world. You never know what is around the corner for you.  Happiness or the person of your dreams could be less than a mile from you at this very moment, or they could be at the ends of the earth, the adventure is just about to start, and I am sure you will find them!

V xx

Can it be love if you have never met?

Speaking to a rather lovely twitter follower of mine today has brought up memories of a blog that I meant to write a while ago. The blog was on the idea of falling for someone who you have never actually met in person. So this is what I shall attempt to deal with, I shall give you my tuppence worth, and my little conclusion at the end. I shall also give an example of my experience in this matter.

Ok, firstly, what scenario would cause someone to fall for another while never meeting them? Well the rise of twitter has to be one of the main sources of such unbridled feelings. A lot of people on twitter have crushes, someone who is exceptional in a certain way, be it that they are charming, funny, sweet, deep or one of the multitude of things that we as the human race, find attractive.

You can have the time of your life, chatting with someone, no agenda, and no pressure. One can, if the fancy takes them, be truthful to who and what they are, their innermost feelings can be laid bare with no shame as it is anonymous should they choose. I for one approach twitter with nothing but the truth, yes there are people who like to hide for many reasons, be it work, marriage or fear. I was for the most part, shocked to discover that one of my followers had married another follower in a whirlwind romance, she just upped sticks and move to Scotland and the wedding was planned, ballsy indeed. I thought for a time that this was madness, but recently I am not so sure.

Now in the course of my twitter escapades I have stumbled on many characters that have intrigued me greatly, one or two have really caught my attention as people I would love to know in real life. Here comes the interesting part, I have a little confession, I have a twitter crush! I have followed this girl for a long time, she is perhaps the sweetest girl I have met, but she is also so much more, funny, sexy, oh so bright and a little kinky. When I first started talking to her she was out of bounds, she still is in a way, but even though I had no agenda back then I thought to myself that she was perfect. I left it at that and moved on my merry way, lately we talked and yup I still think the same.

How can it be that I like someone so much that I have never met? This has given me no end of worry thinking about why this has happened. I must have spent a considerable amount of time working this out, say a whole 5 or 6 minutes…

Looks aside (she is very HOT), she has the perfect personality that I would go for when choosing a partner, the right amount of quirk, humour and adventure that would definitely turn my head. I have realised that I may be attracted to the physical in the short term (Eva Mendes, Hubba Hubba) but without those emotional characteristics and connection, it would only be a flash in the pan romance at best.

So there you have it, having feelings for someone you have never met is possible in my opinion, and I think that those who are susceptible to these feelings are the ones that are looking for the perfect mate, perhaps subconsciously. So if you have a twitter crush or someone that you speak to, that you have never met and think he/she might be the one to leap blindly into the void for, go ahead. You have as much chance with that person as you do with the person you met in a bar.

V x

Meeting that new person…

So, I have decided on my next topic for this blog, as the title states it’s on the subject of dating, or more precisely, taking that step and trying to date.  Now, firstly I should point out that I am an outwardly confident guy, I am not bad looking and have some charm (don’t laugh), but now that I am single again after 10 years I am worried about the impression the fairer species has of me.

Being the dog that I am, I find a number of women attractive, some most likely out of my class. This does not daunt me much really, what is the most vexing part is, how the hell do you tell if someone is into you? I seem to have lost my radar in these matters, because I have now moved to being super friendly with all, I get friendly responses that I cannot differentiate from flirting or interest.  Why can’t we just be truthful and say what we feel, would it not be refreshing to hear “hey, you’re pretty hot, fancy a drink/light petting/filthy filthy sex so we can never look at each other again”.  We seem to have this ingrained fear of rejection, to look stupid or needy in front of others goes against all that we are, but put it this way, is there a time you regret in your life where you never grasped the bull by the horns/balls, and asked out that guy or girl that you were infatuated with?

Was it because of fear, self loathing or something else? Rejection is a terrible thing, but if we don’t make ourselves available and accept it may happen, we shall never get to be with that person we admire.  What if, shock horror, the other person feels the same and is in the same emotional dilemma, it’s not that farfetched. Since I have been single I have been told time and time again that people, whom I thought were attractive, had massive crushes on me and never acted on it out of self preservation.  A sorry set of circumstances indeed…

 

So what is the moral of the story here?

If you like someone and think you can date/sexy time, then make sure you tell them!  If they say no, at least you tried.

 

V x

Is it love?

I cannot say that this post will be true for all men, I came to this conclusion after having asked my friends what they felt when they first met their partner/lover/wife/torturer.

Love at first sight, is this possible for a man?

Every single friend said that it was not possible, and that it took time for them to actually fall in love or for the depravity to escalate to a point that felt like love.  For me I think I have only ever fell in love at first sight once, it was a long time ago at school.

My first week of school, I was 11, my first english lesson and there she was.  I saw her as soon as I walked into the room, she was stunningly beautiful and wore no make-up (she really didn’t need it).  Her hair was blonde with a slight tint of red, my god she was perfection personified.

It took me weeks to speak to her, and it turned out that I was in a lot of classes with her throughout the next 5 years.  She wasn’t just beautiful, she was also incredibly nice to have a conversation with, which was a massive depart from the rest of the crazy wenches in my year.  I asked her out a couple of times and each time she was in love with someone else, though we did once go for a drink when I was 18 with 2 of her friends and 2 of mine.  She had to rush off and meet her current boyfriend, I was a little gutted.

I fell for her from that first moment I met her until long after the last time I saw her, a missed chance in life?  Quite possibly!  The amazing thing is that I have never felt like this since, I have met girls to whom I have been attracted, or girls who I have found funny, witty, charming and bright.  All these were potential partners and I was more than happy to give them the best 4 minutes of their life (includes cuddling, and a cup of tea at the end).  Even with the ex Mrs V, I found her cute, pretty, funny and sexy, we met and were together for 2 weeks before the army called me away for 2 months. I thought of her fondly and would have liked to have met her again, but without her perseverance to see me this would never have happened.

It really did take me a long time to actually fall in love with her, we were always best friends but I just didn’t feel the love.  She told me later that she knew she loved me by the end of the first week and that she had feeling the first time she had ever met me. Of course I was bloody brilliant back then, toned, tall, full head of hair, good teeth and an army of girls chasing me, how the mighty have fallen!

The point I’m making is that as we grow older (men) our libido tends to think before our brain and heart does.  Right now at this current moment, when I’m interested in a girl, I’m thinking of her naked in my bed.  Doing the sort of filth that would make your mum blush (not your mum, I know her, right filthy mare!).  While I will enjoy the sex, company and companionship I will not love you until later, probably much later.

Now if this sounds heartless it was not meant like that, I am only stating a fact of what I am, and those of my 5 closest friends.  When they say men are ruled by their tools, they are 100% right.  We look for sexual compatibility before we look for potential long term partners.  We are short term creatures who do not have long term plans, if love is an option we will embrace it, but until then we are about as reliable as paper condom.  Do not pin your hopes on a man you have just met, you will get hurt!

I leave you with one shocking point (not shocking), if you have a place that our little fella will fit, we will attempt to stick it there as soon as we can, without remorse or love.

V

A new year, a new approach to life.

I suppose I should start by telling you a little about me and my reasons for writing this blog.

I am a male in my late 20’s, recently divorced and trying to take my life in a new direction. I woke up a few months ago and realised that I was not the person I envisioned I would become.  In fact, I was a selfish, arrogant and horrible person, with no regard for anyone but myself.

It is hard to realise that you have become everything you hate, but it is also a stark reality that must be faced sometime.  I accept my faults and will do whatever it takes to change for the better.

I owe a lot of this insight to my failed marriage, I was the one that asked for the divorce. perhaps at the time I was a little bit down but I can’t use this as an excuse.

The unutterable truth was that I did not try, I was loved completely by my wife but offered her nothing in return, actually I flirted behind her back with women and never really gave her the love that she deserved.  I don’t want to dwell too much on my divorce as I want to keep it as a separate topic later on.

So how am I going to change?  Well that is the hard question, I have started by being truthful about my intentions towards people, truthful about everything I’m asked.  It’s like I have finally been able to remove the mask I have worn all my life, the one from school where I tried to be cool but deep down was as insecure and self doubting than anyone I have ever met.

This mask came in handy when I was 16 and joined the army, but at the same time it seemed to take over me.  The face that was shown to the world became what I was, it was the face of one of the guys, an absolute idiot, without feelings or remorse.

Now I know this seems like a very morose blog but I assure you that it will be interspersed with humour, mostly of a rather risqué nature.

If you bear with me for the near future I think we can have a rather good relationship, one where I spout utter drivel and you lap it up.

V

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